tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
