Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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