now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
