**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
