I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
