And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
