if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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