If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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