You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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