I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?