my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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