I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
