he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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