Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
