i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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