Pappa wants mamma naked
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Green mimosas i think yes
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
