i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
