your parents love me but you hate me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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