Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
