did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
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its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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