um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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