The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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