You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
