my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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