the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
