we have officially lost it.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
