I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
