so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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