Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pants are for mortals
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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