My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
