there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
