Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
