If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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