I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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