woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
