I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
