I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
