me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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