He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
