i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
