I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
