you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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