I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
