he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
