Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
