so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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