He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize