Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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