There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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