Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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