Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
