I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
