**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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