She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
