I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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