my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
