My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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