Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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