Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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