Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
