Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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