3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
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we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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