I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
